i – Lied

I’ve come to terms with my last post,
These i-things have me all engrossed,
My nomophobia is real,
So listen up ’cause here’s the deal…

When I said I was i-Crazy, I was telling the truth. When I said I would try to change, I lied.

What’s up? I’m not sure what I was trying to prove with my last post. It was my birthday, so maybe I wanted to turn back the clock and make my world go back to the way it was…before i-things were around. Heck, I grew up with no electricity or telephone until I was six years old. Life has changed just a tad since then. Now after a bout of reflective noodle-flushing, I’m here to tell you i-lied. I’m i-crazy and proud of it, so get over it.

Why lie? Well I didn’t know I was lying when I said I was going to wean myself off the i-stuff in my life. After I wrote my i-Crazy post and went through the aforementioned noodle-flush, I realized that this new age is my life; this life filled with techno-conveniences and instant communication options. So instead of a 12 step program for drying out – here are my reasons for staying the course and enjoying my addiction. 

Top 10 Reasons I’m i-Crazy

1. Living with lupus has its challenges. On my bad days, staying in touch with family and friends with one of my i-things from the comfort of a stack of pillows is priceless. There’s something weird and wonderful about emailing and blogging  from my bed. No Skyping: make-up and hair brushes not required. Bathing optional.

2. Swimming with my waterproof i-Pod  helps me stay in shape. Yes it’s a special waterproof model! As a new condo dweller, I enjoy the pool so much more when I put in my ear buds and listen to music while I swim. Bonus: you don’t have to waste valuable exercise time nattering with other cotton-heads in the pool.

3. Playing online scrabble on my tablet and smartphone helps to keep my brain from getting too spongy. Plus I get to play and stay connected with friends and family members who live miles away. Warning: highly addictive. Big-point-words provoke dopamine-induced euphoria.

4. Text messaging is the ultimate in new age convenience. I love instant conversations translated into short-form babble-garb. Side effects: the need to hear actual human voices may be drastically reduced over time.

5. Honorable mention for my e-Reader, which lets me purchase and load a new book in minutes without getting off my derriere. Caution: may cause involuntary spreading of the posterior region. When this occurs, discontinue use and jog to the bookstore.   

6. My granddaughter thinks I’m super cool, because I have all these new gadgets and gizmos.  Grandparent advantage: i-things are an excellent resource for helping to make you the alpha grand and beating out the in-law competition.  

7. The i-Phone alarm feature helps with my fading short-term memory. Note: dependency will develop due to a growing need to hear the “Marimba” signal before snapping into action. 

8. My i-Phone camera captures those spontaneous moments, which would be otherwise lost. Downside: all my pictures are floating around somewhere in cyberspace instead of  in photo albums.

9. The Contact List in my phone  is with me all the time. With so many telephone numbers having strange area codes these days, I can’t even remember my daughter’s home number. Blast from the past: things have changed since my first job as a Bell Telephone Operator in the 60’s. Seems like just one ringy-dingy ago…  

 10. I can slouch on the couch and read my i-Pad. Checking the news, weather, sports and the myriad of fabulous blogs out there is a sinful pleasure I enjoy for hours on end. Danger: couch cushions may become dangerous to the elderly, as sinkholes are developed from overuse. 

Final word: There are many “smartphone-tablet-ereader” crazed people  like me out  there. Even we more seasoned citizens love conveniences. We love instant communication and quite simply, we love learning how to use this exciting technology to stay current. Embracing the new while appreciating the old is where I’m at these days. So I guess you can teach a crusty old blogger new tricks after all!           

And in the end, as I suspected,
It’s a wonderful life, when you’re connected,
‘Cause every time an i-thing dings,
A cyber-angel gets his/her wings.

Pat Skene