I may be just a blogger punk,
But there are rules I must debunk,
Those dumb-ass things we learn from birth,
So here’s my rant, for what it’s worth…
What’s bugging me? Did you ever think about some of the idiotic things we do as a civilized well-meaning society? We go through life following the leader without doing a sanity check on our actions. Most of these are small spuds in the grand potato field of life – but they never fail to get my blogging bloomers in a royal twist!
12 Rules (Not) to Live By:
1. No white shoes after Labor Day. Are you kidding me? People who wear white shoes on any day of the year need serious help; especially when worn with black pantyhose! Other than running shoes, the only white shoes allowed on the planet at anytime should be for 1950’s reunions and hideous Halloween costumes.
2. Bring flowers to your hostess. Yes, this is a lovely idea…just don’t bring ‘cut’ flowers please. Your hosts are trying to get dinner ready, provide drinks and keep up with the conversation. And now your hostess must locate a suitable vase, arrange your flowers and find a place to put them on display. Bring a potted plant or cut flowers already arranged in a vase with water instead. Better yet, have the flowers delivered the day before the dinner.
3. No jeans allowed. I could never understand the concept that jeans are not allowed at some venues. Denim is simply a material, just like cotton, polyester, linen and silk. It’s ‘material’! Fabric! Why should one type of material be disallowed over another. I can understand the bias against the ripped and torn variety, but so should that apply to other fabric as well. Who thought this one up? Some anti-cowpoke-ascot-wearing snob no doubt.
4. Visit a sick friend in hospital. This one’s a doozy and my personal favourite. Other than special circumstances and close family – why would normal functioning homo sapiens feel the need to drop in on you in a hospital room? There you are with unwashed hair, no make-up, tubes coming out of your various orifices – while the pungent aromas of infectious waste and bedpan juices waft through the air. For all that’s holy – please stay home and send a card!
5. Clean your plate. Many of us grew up hearing this maxim and we were not allowed to leave the table until the order had been carried out. And while it may have helped to control wasted food, it also contributed to over-eating. Reducing portion sizes and stopping when we’re full is the best rule for all of us. Stuffing a few more brussel sprouts down our children’s gullet isn’t going to give them a love for eating vegetables.
6. Save new things ‘for good’. This one I’ll never understand. We all know people who save clothes, linens and a myriad of possessions for that special day. What special day? When? What if you die before you get to use it? All these carefully packed possessions rotting away at the seams, stuffed in cedar chests and storage trunks. Beautifully cherished things never to see the light of dawn. Hear ye, hear ye – I say unto you out there in blogger land – use it now! Take it out today and celebrate this moment, this hour, this life!
7. Match your socks. Why do we do this? I have taught my granddaughter from birth to always mismatch her socks. I believe it demonstrates a sense of creativity and imagination. Wearing colorfully mismatched socks expresses the ying and yang if you will, the complexities of the right and left brain and the playfulness of the human spirit. But they’re just socks, you might say. Au contraire my blogger friend. Your socks say a lot about you – and no one wants to be remembered as a boring person with matching socks, now do they?
8. Never wear socks in sandals. This is one of the biggest faux pas fashion statements of the 21st century! So bad, it could start a bar fight! But have you ever tried wearing socks in your sandals? It’s pure bliss! I challenge you to find anything more comfortable. Who would make such a rule? It was probably devised by some frustrated fashionista with a Jesus complex. I think it’s time we unite in our mismatched socks and sandals and tell the fashion police to go to hell. You go first – I promise I’ll be right behind you.
9. No swearing allowed. Have you ever thought about swear words? I mean, really thought about them? All they are, are letters from our alphabet that we have strung together to make a word that we then deem unacceptable for use in polite society. We created the words and then decided they’re not allowed to be be uttered. How stupid is that? They’re only words! Sticks and stones and all that…
10. Eat dessert after dinner. In the ancient days, I believe people ate something sweet after their meals in order to cleanse their palette (and their breath) after a stinky dinner of mutton chops. Not so today. But we have maintained the tradition of getting the so-called ‘good stuff” in first and keeping dessert for the end of the meal. As long as we get it all in – why should we care what order they follow? It’s all going south and to the same place. Life is short – eat dessert first!
11. No singing at the table. It’s rude they say. This is a rather sad old rule, isn’t it? It fits right in there with ,”Children should be seen and not heard.” Why shouldn’t we rejoice and sing at the table, with family and friends? Why don’t we all sing grace instead of saying it so solemnly with eyes closed and hands clasped. As long as you’re not singing, “99 bottles of beer on the wall”, while the main course goes cold – I say let ‘er rip and sing your heart out!
12. Separating couples at dinner parties. What are we – antisocial adolescents? Many couples are more comfortable when seated together and in fact, complement each other in conversation. This act of separation by a hostess can be insulting for some and awkward for others. Social situations are most successful when guests are relaxed and a controlling host will only add stress. I’m just saying…
So that’s my list of stupid rules,
It’s nothing that I learned in schools,
I’ve said it all and took my chance,
To get these rantz out of my pantz!
Do you have some stupid rules in your life? I’d love to hear from you. I’m collecting them to have a huge bonfire of the insanities. I’ll be roasting marshmallows and white shoes and you’re all invited!
I’d say that #4 is very individual. My daughter is one of those people who want to be surrounded by support while in the hospital, even after surgery. And not just family, either. A post to FB asking everyone to please come visit before and after surgery. I alway check to see if the person is up to/wants visitors. If they do, fine. If not, then I’ll send a card.
You’re absolutely right. It is an individual choice…and hopefully, we get to make that choice before getting a deluge of surprise vistors. It’s like having a public bedroom! Thanks for the comment.
These are all such great ideas that a plaque should be made with them and passed around for everyone to read! I practice all of them except #7. I personally would not be able to wear mismatched socks knowingly. But why stop there? Why not have a different color nail polish on each finger and toe?
That’s a great idea! Thanks for getting into the spirit of things.Now I think you should try wearing a polka dot sock on one foot and rainbow stripes on the other. You’ll feel amazing, I guarantee it!
I’ve got a stupid rule that positively makes me twitch with restrained frustration ….. “Children should be seen and not heard”. Thankfully, that one’s not being enforced as much as it one was. But it sure begs the question “how many brilliant thoughts, how many life changing ideas, how many good intensions have been silenced forever?” Here’s to the kids! And here’s to you. Love your blog.
Thanks so much Esther – it’s so nice to hear from you. And yes, I totally agree with you. It’s definitely a burn-worthy addition for the bonfire!
I love your blog on stupid rules,
I agree with every one,
I’m glad we’ve changed throughout these years,
We’ll save our grandkids many tears!
#6 – I set my diningroom table with my best china, crystal and sterling flatware, lit my really nice candles, poured myself a glass of pinot noir and proceeded to eat my bbq’d hamburger and french fries!! I even changed to a clean pair of jeans. I use all the “good stuff” because if I don’t use it now……then when??
P S I can’t wait to wear my mismatched socks in my mismatched sandals………why not??
Way to go JJ!!! You’re my kinda gal!
Most of these rules
I too ignore
To follow all
Would be a bore
But if mismatched socks
In sandals you wore
I’d laugh until
My ribs were sore!
Well really I picture you as a well put together ‘with it’ kind of girl! But, seriously, I do agree that Miss Manners needs to re publish for current times! I think if we do what feels right we’ll be ok! (except for the socks in sandals thingy).
Thanks for the rhyme Blanche. I must admit I may have included the socks and sandals rule just to stir things up…and get a few folks all in a kerfuffle. But I admit to wearing them in private – as I’m typing this note. So comfy! And the earth hasn’t caved in on me yet.
Isn’t it nice to be older and not feel the need to follow the rules?
You’re right on that score. I’ve been a rule follower all my life, from my girl’s school days with the nuns to my banking days in the concrete jungle. And now in my rusty years, I find myself feeling quite rebellious and enjoying every minute of it.
I am sure you will be able to compose several blogs on the same subject matter but with different rules. Very funny. But very sad as to how we don’t question anything. It is this non questioning that has got us the governments that we have.
Well said Rumpel. Thanks for weighing in.
What a liberating post! Thanks for being such an inspiration!
Thanks Jessica. Glad you enjoyed it. I think every writer should check out your sunshineinajar.com web site for inspiration. Nice to hear from you!
You’re off your rocker! (all 21 of them)
Socks & sandals – come on lady – we’ve been through this – NOT ever under any circumstances acceptable . Don’t you go ranting about it and make people think it’s an ‘okay’ thing to do.
Lordy, Lordy – there I was laughing along with all of your other thoughts – “yeap, true, sure thing, absolutely” – then what to my horror do I find you promoting??? Geeze Louise, I can’t condone that sort of blasphemy – where do we go next? Making ‘ muffin tops ‘ an okay thing to sport? – ” Oh sure go ahead ladies, let your muffin top hang over your waist line , it’s all about comfort; ‘bliss’ – try it, don’t knock it “. I’m appalled! I’m going to have to intervene with the the Gen 2 (your daughter) & Gen 3 (your granddaughter) here; but I fear it’s too late and that they too are sock & sandal combo’s on the go.
tsk, tsk using your power for evil like that.
‘Bare Feet’ ALL the WAY Andi
Hey Andi! Welcome to my blog! I knew the old ‘socks-in-my-sandals’ routine would draw you out into the blogosphere. As the designated weird aunt in the familty, it is my pleasure – nay, my duty – to torture my nieces. And although you’ve lectured me since birth about the horrors of this particular fashion rule, I still deliciously indulge in the sock-sandal thingy when no one is looking…like right now, hidden under my desk. But fear not, everything else you’ve taught me is cast in stone. No muffin tops for me except for breakfast.
I totally agree with 4, 6, and 8, especially the hospital visits. That needs to include after childbirth!
Keep writing the rantz. I need the laughs!
I’m glad you enjoy the rantz. Thanks for stopping by.