Ordinarily, I am quite content to seek out the solitude of my own company. But recently, I’ve had a bit too much quality time with myself…and frankly, I found that I am quite lacking in the answers to many of life’s complex questions.
They say when you’re drowning, your life flashes before your eyes. Well, I’m happy to report this did not happen to me. But in my extended state of reflection and solitude, many burning questions flashed relentlessly before said eyes, and I was reminded of how little I knew about the many ordinaries of life.
My Top 20 Burning Questions:
1. Why do grandchildren and grandparents pass each other in opposite vertical directions so quickly?
2. Why does life bitch-slap you awake, just when you doze off snuggled in the comforts of old age?
3. Why is it always the patient’s fault when doctors make a mistake?
4. Why are all nurses not angels of mercy? Have mercy!
5. Why do men put fruit and veggies encased in sweaty plastic bags, directly into the refrigerator?
6. Why do men put beer or yogurt encased in cardboard boxes, directly into the refrigerator?
7. Why, when I’m not well, do I look out the window and think everyone has a life but me?
8. Why are big honking boobs supposed to be so spectacular?
9. Why does my oldest besty Marjorie never email me from BC?
10. Why do socks in my sandals feel so flippin’ good and look so freakin’ bad?
11. Why does time go like stink when I’m well, then hang around like a bad smell when I’m sick?
12. Why do I insist that my toilet paper roll be placed in the “over” position and not the “under” position?
13. Why, if some words in the English language are considered bad, did we invent them in the first place?
14. Why are simple blue jeans not allowed in some places, but bad-ass-red or trailer-trash-white jeans are?
15. Why can geese poop their brains out in the park and we can’t kick their feathered arses outta there?
16. Why can’t parents get it right by being grandparents first?
17. Why can’t I find out how much wood a woodchuck would chuck, if a woodchuck really could chuck wood?
18. Why did I get cancer?
19. Why do I float effortlessly in the pool, but my daughter and granddaughter sink to the bottom like mafia snitches?
20. Why do so many people hate nature’s beautiful dandelions?
Help!! Does anyone out there know WHY?
See you between the lines
I’m sorry, I don’t have any answers to your ponderings. Although we do have opposite views on number 12, my experience with number 1 and my 6’3″grandson more than makes up for it don’t you think? Re number 12 I don’t think that will ruin our relationship in any way. I do love love your choice of caricatures! So perfect! So you keep on questioning the world as we know it and thank you for sharing with those of us who have the same questions but don’t articulate them nearly so well!
Thanks Blanche, but I simply don’t know how you can go to bed at night, knowing your toilet paper is on the holder upside down. Thankfully, Hubsey and I are on the same square on this one, so our marriage has lasted through many roll changes. Keep the faith and someday you may see the light.
Mr. Dave!! You’ve really done it!! I simply don’t know how to thank you enough for sharing your wisdom and common sense to these mysterious questions which have been nagging at me incessantly like a relentless ear worm. I will be forever grateful to you for clarifying the real WHY of things. You have allowed my poor battered questions marks to RIP from now to eternity. Bless you Mr. D.
Bang on Pat. We both are going to answer the questions, and see how we come out. B
Sent from my iPad
Don’t’ hurt yourself in the process. Thanks for checking in.
Questions,questions always questions. It is said Christ is the answer. But what the hell is the question? You have several. I hope you can get answers to some of them.
I was expecting more sagely advice Rump! Please don’t give me any more questions! C’mon, think man! You can do it!
20 extinguishing remarks:
1. It is all based on the theory of relativity.
2. It’s a good way to stop your snoring.
3. Doctors are allowed to practice, and practice makes perfect…NOT!
4. Dr. kevorkian only had one nurse assisting him.
5. It says on the bag…”PLEASE REFRIGERATE”….DUH!
6. To retain the manufacturers information. calorie content….sugar….etc…
7. Youre not wrong all the time.
8. They can get you a real good job at Hooters.
9. You changed your email address and never told her.
10. Wearing socks in sandals is popular among the older generation and Germans.
11. Not enough time to really think this one out.
12. It is the correct position prior to creating the V shape fold, out of the first sheet on the roll. Excellent planning!
13. Angry people needed to express themselves.
14. Spruce up the blue jean look with a jacket or blazer.
15. According to our government, geese contribute to our natural biological diversity.
16. Time travel hasn’t been invented.
17. Well….If a Woodchuck could chuck wood, a woodchuck would chuck all the wood that a woodchuck could chuck.
18. For the same reason that “people win lotteries”.
19. Hot air has always been known to rise to the top.
20. Dandelions choke the crap out of my beautiful green lawn!
It’s great to read your posts once again. I loved The Red Angel last week. With respect to the 20 questions, most of them don’t have an answer except “that’s life”. As we grow older, we need to dig deep into the stores of wisdom to find the courage to keep asking the difficult questions and to keep wondering about the unfairness, the stupidity, and the irony of what we face every day. Be well, Jeanette
Thank you Jeanette, it’s so nice to hear from you. I’ve been reading your insightful posts as well and always enjoy your writing. You are one smart cookie! See you around the blog.
Lots of good questions here! I think we would do well to ask more questions like this and then send them up like dandelion hairs to the sky and let them land where they may. I find winter is a natural time for questions and a New Year a good time to ask the big ones. What will 2015 bring? ….And I absolutely love that Mr. Dave offered an answer to each!! Wow!
Thanks for your comment Jessica…yes, winter is a good time to ponder the big ones. And I agree…Mr. Dave went above and beyond.
I love your questions…they are most times more important than the answers! I will only answer number 12. I, too, agree with your position which is why I changed Blanche’s guest bathroom tissue holder before I left! Sorry, Blanche!
I think you did the right thing. I’m sure Blanche will get over it and we can only hope she will one day see the light. Thanks for your comment Janice, always a pleasure dearie.
Illness surely gives us time to think. Sometimes a good thing, sometimes not. Thanks for sharing your questions–gave me some new things to think about! PS: I agree with you about the toilet paper.
Thanks so much for reading. It’s very nice to hear from you again.