Ordinarily, I am quite content to seek out the solitude of my own company. But recently, I’ve had a bit too much quality time with myself…and frankly, I found that I am quite lacking in the answers to many of life’s complex questions.
They say when you’re drowning, your life flashes before your eyes. Well, I’m happy to report this did not happen to me. But in my extended state of reflection and solitude, many burning questions flashed relentlessly before said eyes, and I was reminded of how little I knew about the many ordinaries of life.
My Top 20 Burning Questions:
1. Why do grandchildren and grandparents pass each other in opposite vertical directions so quickly?
2. Why does life bitch-slap you awake, just when you doze off snuggled in the comforts of old age?
3. Why is it always the patient’s fault when doctors make a mistake?
4. Why are all nurses not angels of mercy? Have mercy!
5. Why do men put fruit and veggies encased in sweaty plastic bags, directly into the refrigerator?
6. Why do men put beer or yogurt encased in cardboard boxes, directly into the refrigerator?
7. Why, when I’m not well, do I look out the window and think everyone has a life but me?
8. Why are big honking boobs supposed to be so spectacular?
9. Why does my oldest besty Marjorie never email me from BC?
10. Why do socks in my sandals feel so flippin’ good and look so freakin’ bad?
11. Why does time go like stink when I’m well, then hang around like a bad smell when I’m sick?
12. Why do I insist that my toilet paper roll be placed in the “over” position and not the “under” position?
13. Why, if some words in the English language are considered bad, did we invent them in the first place?
14. Why are simple blue jeans not allowed in some places, but bad-ass-red or trailer-trash-white jeans are?
15. Why can geese poop their brains out in the park and we can’t kick their feathered arses outta there?
16. Why can’t parents get it right by being grandparents first?
17. Why can’t I find out how much wood a woodchuck would chuck, if a woodchuck really could chuck wood?
18. Why did I get cancer?
19. Why do I float effortlessly in the pool, but my daughter and granddaughter sink to the bottom like mafia snitches?
20. Why do so many people hate nature’s beautiful dandelions?
Help!! Does anyone out there know WHY?
See you between the lines