My Dirty Little Secret

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Cover16I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this!

I’ve chosen today to blab about my secret because I need some serious frivolity in my life. I’m going a little batty in this heat, trapped inside my condo with the AC cranked up. Plus I’m exhausted from listening to recent world events and disgusted by what I’m seeing in U.S politics. So bear with me as I create a diversion and tell you something I never talk about. Something I thought would go to the grave with me. Something I hide in my biggest sock under the bed.

Just say it!
Okay here goes…I love watching The Young and the Restless. There, I’ve said it and now my secret is in your hands.

I’ve been a fan of this soap opera for over 35 years. Obviously when I was working, I wasn’t a regular viewer as we didn’t have PVR’s back then and thankfully I had no idea how to work our VCR. But occasionally I would catch up and see an episode or two during holidays or on a sick day. There was always a degree of shock and awe, as I gobbled up the outlandish story lines where life was even more manipulating and bizarre than the corporate jungle where I spent my days.

Oh the drama!
But now that I’m retired and at home, I admit to taping and watching every episode. And after each daily plot shocker, I go to bed pondering the real meaning of life. I think about big questions, like how many times has Victor divorced and remarried his beloved Nikki, and will she take him back yet again? When will poor trusting Jack realize his scuzzy wife is having an affair with his younger brother Billy? And will Phyllis ever forgive Victor for replacing her husband with a doppleganger on her honeymoon? All this and more – dishing daily on The Young and the Restless.

Blowing soap bubbles
I’m happy to say, watching the lives of the Newmans and Abbots on this show has most certainly not been a waste of my time. A wide array of valuable life lessons have bubbled up over the years from the brilliant writing on this show, and  I’d like to share some of my learnings with you:

  • Contrary to medical reports, complete face transplants are performed all the time.
  • It’s quite normal to marry your stepmother, your sister’s brother and your father-in-law.
  • Amnesia is far more commonplace than we realize and happens routinely every day.
  • An evil twin has many lives and is much harder to kill than a good twin.
  • A coma is a medical state that occurs when someone is about to reveal a big juicy secret.
  • It’s normal for kids to skip from toddler to teenager in 15 months.
  • Breaking into a lab to change DNA/paternity test results is a piece of cake.
  • It’s fashionable to wear winter boots in the house and put your feet up on the sofa.
  • It’s glamorous to sleep in full make-up and a lacy under-wire bra. 
  • A non-pregnant woman can be drugged into believing she just gave birth to a baby.
  • Just because people watch you die and attend your funeral, doesn’t mean you’re dead!
  • And my personal favourite – it’s okay to lock someone up in a cage in your living room or abandoned warehouse for months on end. (Don’t these people ever poop?)

Final word:
So there you have it…a few important lessons I would never had known, had I not invested the time and energy to watch this important program over more than three decades. And judge me as you will, but you have to agree – I would never have acquired this type of sophisticated knowledge on the PBS or History channels. I’m just saying…

Now I know there are many more of you out there hiding in your soap cupboards. Come out, come out, wherever you are!

See you between the lines and on Twitter @PatSkene

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Pat Skene

23 responses »

  1. OMG Pat, now I know why we are kindred spirits. I have watched it since moving to Ontario in 1982. I tape and watch just before bedtime. When Mac tells people I watch a soap, I just cringe and give him a dirty look. Thanks for sharing!!!😜😜😜😜

    >

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    • Well it looks like your secret is out too! Good television like Y&R is hard to come by. What does Mac know! Get him to watch a few episodes…he’ll get hooked too. I’ve even got my husband asking for updates on various things, even though he won’t watch it. 😊

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  2. Pat, have you figured out where the sTrumpet gets his story lines for his speeches?

    Yes! You got it: He gets the plots from the pool of ex-TYATR writers who were f i r e d for being too extreme (They were called extremists.).

    That is yet another one of HIS dirty little secrets.

    Hard to imagine authors of Childrens Books having DLSs, though.
    t

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I too have been hooked on this “story” ( as my Mother used to call it ) … the story lines sure do keep us wondering – and – laughing !!

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    • Ahhh…another one with the same secret life. Glad to hear it. It must be the totally ridiculous nature of the story lines of this alternate universe of people who never seem to work, but always have so much money – that keeps us coming back.

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  4. Brilliant! Thanks for bringing something to smile at amid the real world bleakness. Just what I needed this rather grey Scottish Sunday morning. Not heard of the particular show, but it sounds very similar to some UK soaps. Not that I’ve ever watched them you understand 🙂

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    • I understand perfectly. But wait until one day when you’re bored, hot and disgusted with world events and perhaps you will dish your big secrets too. I’m just saying…
      Thanks for checking in.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Never too late Britt Girl. I’ll even give you a crash course and a cheat sheet if you want to get started. A good thing to watch before dinner with a cold Chardonnay.

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  5. Ok. So your secret is out. Wow. I admire your strength. Were I to even wish to make such a confession I could not. Brave Pat.

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    • Thanks John, yes I had to put on my big girl pants to make the big reveal. There goes my well crafted image of intelligence and sophistication. Keeping up the facade was just too much. I feel very relieved to have it all out there for the world to see. Whew!

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  6. When I was a young mother, (23), trapped at home, I spent one winter watching “As the World Turns”. What can I say—it got me through a cold, isolating winter, and was something to do when I ran out of books! I have watched some episodes of Y&R from time to time. Maybe more than I’m prepared to admit, since I recognize the main star!

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    • I think it’s hysterical that we find it hard to come out of the soap cupboard and admit we watch these shows. They are rather addictive, mind-numbing entertainment…but we all need a diversion from real life now and then. And we deserve our guilty pleasures…without the guilt. Thanks for your comment.

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  7. I admire those who watch soap operas precisely because I never have. I always wanted to get deeply involved with one, but didn’t dare. I was afraid to watch even one episode, thinking it would be like trying to eat just one chocolate chip cookie, and my life would be ruined: I’d never be gainfully employed, climb a mountain, or make daisy chains with a grandchild. So those of you who live successful lives AND watch soap operas have earned my deepest admiration.

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